Amazon Warriors - Episode 16: Dogcember Part Two -- Two Stories by Mary Hiker

 

In part two of Dogcember, we're discussing Avery Meets Chevy and Christmas Party by Mary Hiker. Ava applies math to storytelling and admits to having huge feet, and Brynn has a bone to pick with an indecisive boss.

This week's playlist can be found here.
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From Amazon.com:

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Avery Meets Chevy

Avery Barks, a search and rescue volunteer is happy about moving into her own mountain cabin in time for the Christmas holiday. The excitement is short lived when several of her belongings turn up missing.

Fortunately, there is a new friend waiting in the wings to help her out.

Christmas Party

Avery Barks is excited about the search and rescue team's annual Christmas party. The holiday event is packed full of friends and fun for both the SAR dogs and their humans. Everyone is having a ball... That is, until a stranger crashes the party in the most surprising way.

TRANSCRIPT:

Avery meets Chevy 

Ava: Avery leans behind the cabinet to check on the cat, and I guess finds a bunch of stolen stuff back there. [laughs] 

Brynn: Which is a very cat thing. 

A: Yeah, a very cat thing to do. 

B: Like, in The Princess Diaries as well, Fat Louie, he had, like this stash of stuff, I believe it was behind the toilet, just shiny things that he'd find. 

A: [laughs] Fat Louie! 

B: Yeah, that's his name. 

A: What a good name! 

B: [laughs] 

A: But yeah, that the end of the story, the cat did it. [laughs] 

B: And – and I know it's a short story and all, but when you get to the end of it, you're at 79 percent, because there's, like, a huge excerpt at the end. 

A: Yeah. Yeah, we've seen that a few times, where they like, the end is like a massive – 

B: It's like a whole other short story in the back. [laughs] 

A: I guess we've kind of done final thoughts, we always like, organically run into final thoughts. So, into star reviews on this one. So what did you give this one on editing? 

B: Uh [pause] three? It's not terrible, there's a lot of jumpiness, and there's a few little errors. 

A: Yeah, I also gave it a three. It's pretty average, for a free ebook. There were some weird things that might have been mistakes. [laughs] So what did you give this on plot? 

B: Probably about a three. I mean, the overall story was cute, but there wasn't much to it, you know? 

A: Yeah, I'd also give it a three, because, um, it was – it's a mystery, but there – it's not very mysterious, you know? 

B: Yeah, it's just, like, oh, okay, that happened [laughs] 

A: Yeah [pause] it was more like a single red herring, and then the [pause] the conclusion, you know? 

B: Yeah. 

A: What were your opinions on characterization? 

B: I mean, I – I don't know, there wasn't really any. You don't really learn anything about anything, except for her friend. 

A: Yeah, the characterization is [pause] like, her characterization was okay, like we got some backstory on her, but we didn't get much. 

B: I mean, it – it – 

A: I gave it a – I gave it a two out of five. 

B: Yeah, I also gave it a two. I mean, like, it's a short story, and there's a lot of characters, so there's only so much you can fit about each person in there. 

A: Yeah, you're right, there are a lot of characters. Too many characters. I think the last book had a problem with having too many characters as well. 

B: Yeah. 

A: Oh, I'm gonna have to look something up real quick. So, what did you give this for dialogue? 

B: Was there really a lot of it? [laughs] 

A: I mean, there was some. 

B: I mean, it was average. 

A: Yeah, I gave it a three out of five. [laughs] it was pretty average. So, here it is, this is from Mary Robinette Kowal, who I've mentioned in the past, uh, because we talked about, uh, Shades of Milk and Honey. So, this is her equation: uh, the length of your story should be the number of your characters plus the number of locations, multiplied by 750, and then multiply that by the number – multiply that number by one and half times the number of MICE elements. MICE is from Orson Scott Card – we're not even gonna get into that guy – but, um, it's uh, millieu, idea, character, and something else. So – 

B: You've already lost me. [laughs] 

A: Yeah, so in this story, how many – how many dang characters were in this story? 

B: There was her, Jamie, the boss, the coworker, the girl, her boyfriend, the cop, and Emma. Plus the cat and the dog. 

A: How many is that? 

B: Ten. 

A: Okay, so, we're gonna count the cat and the dog, and we're gonna say this only has one MICE quotient thing because it's an idea story; like, what if a cat stole some stuff? So it was ten plus – number of locations is two – or three, I guess, because it's her place, the party, and then Miss Emma's place. 

B: Yeah. 

A: So, according to this – obviously this isn't a hard and fast rule – but according to this, the story should be about fifteen thousand words. Which is [pause] a novelette, uh, and this is not a novelette. [laughs] That was totally pointless, but – well it wasn't totally pointless, it was just a silly point. The point being there were too many characters in this dang story. 

B: Yeah. 

A: So I guess we both gave it the same scores across the board. 

B: So if we had, um, three threes and a two, it would round to a three, right? 

A: Yeah, about. Lets – let's call it a three. 

B: Okay, what was your favorite part of the book? Story? Whatever? [laughs] 

A: Just the—just the cute animal stuff. I love animals. 

B: Yeah, um, my favorite part was probably, I mean, the cat. [laughs] I like cats. 

A: [laughs] It was a good cat. A-plus cat. 

B: Least favorite? 

A: Uh, I think it was that she kept thinking that certain types of people couldn't possibly have stolen her stuff. 

B: Yeah, that was kind of irritating. 

A: Yeah. [laughs] 

Christmas Party 

Ava: So [pause] almost, is my opinion. If there had been fewer characters, this wouldn't have – this would've been a little cozy mystery, you know? But there were so many characters, and the editing was so weird, 

Brynn: Yeah, I feel like there needs to be less characters, and maybe have it be a little bit longer – it might not be a short story, but you're trying to pack so much into this tiny thing, you know? 

A: Yeah there's too much too be stuffed in here. 

B: It was just all over the place. 

A: Like, it – what could have worked is if she and Don, and maybe Miss Millie together, had all been on the way to the party, and come across Zach, and that's when he leveled his accusation, so they went over there alone, and there weren't like eight billion other characters filling up the story. 

B: Yeah. That seems like it would make more sense. 

A: So [pause] let's do star reviews. 

B: Okay. 

A: So what did you think of the editing? 

B: A two? 

A: Yeah, I gave it a one, this was real rough editing. Like, not so much, like – 

B: It was a generous two. [laughs] 

A: [laughs] Yeah. It's not even so much the, um [pause] like the editing of the text itself, but like, the weird choppiness of the breaks was killing me. 

B: Like, I know we complained about that stuff in the first story, but the first story was a lot better about it. 

A: Yeah, I thought that the first story was better. What about plot? What did you give it for plot? 

B: I mean, probably about a two as well, it's, uh, well, you tried? I mean – 

A: I gave it a three out of five, 'cause I thought this was about as many twists and turns as you could fit into a story about this – about this length. 

B: To me, though, it just, it didn't – it didn't really have flow, it's just like, oh, we're going to this party, oh [pause] this dude is freaking out. 

A: Yeah, it was all over the place. [laughs] So, what did you give it for characterization? 

B: Uhh – 

A: [laughs] 

B: I mean, I wanna give it a two but it's honestly a one, because you don't get to learn anything about anybody, even Avery. 

A: I gave it a two out of five. Yeah, it's um [pause] it's so frenetic that you just don't get anything. 

B: The – the person you learn the most about is Miss Millie, who might be Miss Emma. [laughs] 

A: [laughs] Uh, what did you think about the dialogue? 

B: I mean, three. It's average, it's the one complaint I don't have, you know? 

A: Yeah, I also gave it a three. It's – you know, it's – it's dialogue. It's – it's not bad, but it’s also not the greatest dialogue ever. 

B: Yeah. 

A: I mean, it's solid. So, that would give me [pause] I'm at about a two out of five on this one, I guess. 

B: Me too. 

A: Wah-wah. Yeah, the other one was better, and I liked our first Dog – Dogcember story better than these two. 

B: I haven't looked into it, but it's like, I wonder if her other ones are all short stories, too. 

A: Yeah, I don't know. Short story is a tough medium for mysteries. 

B: Yeah. And it's like, I feel like, you know the first story – the first one of her stories that we read today, I mean – the first one, it was a lot simpler of a story. 

A: Yeah. 

B: It was just a, oh, my stuff is missing, oh, I might have figured something out, oh, here's the conclusion, you know? It's – it's – it didn’t have perfect flow, but it had a flow to it, you know? This story not so much. 

A: I think there's a happy medium in between the amount of plot in that story and the amount of plot in in this story. 

B: Yeah. 

A: 'Cause that plot was too simple, and this one was just bonkers. 

B: Yeah. What was your favorite part? 

A: Again, it was the dog antics. I just – I love dogs. [laughs] 

B: I mean, I guess I have to agree. I mean, it was all very messy, but it was cute, you know? Like the dogs getting excited about everything. Least favorite? 

A: Uh, too many characters. 

B: Yes. 

A: So many characters. 

B: Also, just the whole mystery part of it was weird. 

A: Yeah. 

B: It was just kind of out of the blue, and not very sensical. 

A: I wish that – see, they – she foreshadowed the thief being a woman [pause], which didn't matter. But what I wish she would have foreshadowed was there being something more suspicious at play. 

B: Yeah. 

A: I already said that, um, Lonely Dog at Christmas was the best out of these three. Which one was your favorite out of these three. 

B: Probably the same. I mean, I really hated the family in that story, but I mean, I like the dog. 

A: I hate them so much! [laughs] 

B: [laughs] 

A: Yeah, I think that – I think that the one that had the most potential was When Avery Met Chevy. 

B: Yes. 

A: But, um, I think the execution was the best on Lonely Dog at Christmas. 

B: Yes. Thank you for listening to Amazon Warriors. You can find us on Twitter @thebookwarriors, and at warriors (at) superfuntimes (dot) net. Next episode we will be concluding Neanderthal Seeks Human by Penny Reid.